She didn't sleep well last night, her body is aching. It's bed time now, she ought to be sleeping. That unavoidable urge to write strikes her and she racily types away on her laptop. He promised her happiness, a life away from sadness -- yes, these promises were fulfilled and yet, she dwells on what could have been instead of what has already happened. She knows deep down that nothing will ever change from what it is now, she doesn't understand why. Nothing will be the same and yet, she's suppose to act like nothing has changed.

Drama isn't even enough to describe it -- these events as they happen feel like a domino effect and God, how outnumbered she was against the rest of them. It's too late to do anything about it now. She shouldn't have promised so much, she needn't believed in them so much. Now, its too late. Cause-and-effect: chaos is inevitable.

Music plays in the background: words blaring out desribing exactly everything she felt at that precise moment. She slowly chokes on her own words, unable to tell him what she was feeling because regardless of how many times they replay their conversation, it ends with him telling her that she was pushy, that she pushed her friends to the edge -- giving them more reasons to avoid her. It hurts, it really does but he doesn't understand that. He tries to reason with her when he sees tears flowing free from the edges of her dark eyes, but how can she tell him now? It overwhelms her. Why can't she live life alone? It's because that isn't her and it never will be no matter how hard he's tried to instill these values into her already fragile heart.

Her head spins. Maybe tomorrow her world will finally stop.

Merry Christmas.