When life gets too boring.. you decide to just go with the flow.. like me.. I was at empire today and I was on the buggy when I was near my destination.. I decided to jump off hoping to land on my two feet. Foolish? exactly. I jumped and I started rolling on the ground like hell. I guess it was the word that was circling in my head and it was the only thing I heard.. Jump.. so I jumped.. just got cuts on my right elbow and right leg and scraped some skin too. I guess I needed that sting in life. It felt like I was kinda hypnotized and got out of control and my sub - conscious took over my body.

The things I do..

Don't you people sometimes wish you could be some sort of mythical creature? Like.. a faerie.. a warlock.. a vampire.. or a slayer.. hah, not that these things do happen in life.. or do they? and it was just hidden from the public. Oh boy, there goes my bloody imagination. If I could've been one of those things, I guess I'd be a vampire. Soulless, Immortality and I wouldn't have to feel pain. So I could just play with my meal and then eat it up and feel no guilt. I wouldn't care If I never knew what love was or what to be loved was. In there.. there's always pain. I have enough of pain. Well emotional pain but physical. Hah. Bring it on. Cutting myself doesn't even hurt now. It's like getting an accidental cut and you don't even realize you have a cut. Cutting yourself is just damn ridiculous. It doesn't hurt. Yes, I'm a ridiculous person but it doesn't matter now, does it? Jumping of a buggy is much better. You can feel your skin burn but it doesn’t last long. Maybe a broken bone would hurt more. I so much want to have a broken bone in my body and just stay in bed and not move an inch for weeks. That way, all I see is an empty space and the only thing going in my mind.. well.. something that's not to be said.

I use to cry.. almost everyday now. Since the guys I hang out with either got girls or they're just caught up in their own world. It's just that.. I'm worried.. once they're so caught up in that world, they'll forget bout me. Sure they'll still invite me to all the weekend plans but like.. where will I be? It's not like I have someone just like them. I don't even want someone. I just want one of my best friends to be there so I can talk to them, but then the guys don't actually like him much. sigh. The good thing bout him is that he doesn't have a girl so that way I can just talk to him in public without people being suspicious. No, I'm not trying to get him. No, I don't have a crush on him. He's just like the only guy who's there now when I need someone to talk to but I don't wanna get to close to him.. I guess I cried a lot cause of my fear of being lonely. Not that I am lonely, I was crying cause I was afraid to be lonely.. but the weird part now is that.. I wanna be alone. It's weird. Plus, instead of being noisy and talkative as usual, I'm just all quite. I guess I'm just trying to learn to talk when necessary and to speak when required. Sure people notice and they start asking me if something's wrong but nothing's wrong. I just felt like being quite.. that's all.

sigh.. I don't even know what else to say. Not that it'd make much difference.

Yours Truly,
Nayt

It's when I'm with you I feel alive,
But to you I'm only dead,
So I'm just trying to walk away,
But I still want to stay..
with you..