Why do people think when your upset or something the only cure would be.. to get you a b/gf? Well yea most of you would probably be thrilled to have one but what if you don't want one? You just wanna be alone, you don't need some guy or girl to pull you back right? I guess.. it's like some sayings..

Love is harder to accept than to give

I learn that as a fact. The only reason why I won't accept love in my life is cause I think it will hold me back from what I can do the best. I don't think I'd give up what I have now, just for one moment of happiness cause what I have now I can turn it into happiness but I will not give up what I have just to be given that happiness.. get what I mean? Or probably not.. I just think some things are silly. Especially when it comes to choosing your boy friend over your best friend. That's just shit. Choosing love over friendship. I don't think it's the right thing, cause from friendship that's where love starts, but if you don't have much of a friendship first, then that love won't actually work.

Yes.. I keep on talking but I don't know what I'm actually saying. Okay something you people don't actually wanna hear, well I do understand what I'm saying I'm just hoping you would.

Now where was I... oh yea.. love can cure happiness.. but, what if it was the thing that made you sad? confusing isn't it? I realized if I did have someone, I wouldn't be able to do stuff that I am doing now I guess, but then you would want someone to hold.. the problem is there's no one to have a bloody crush on. I don't actually care much bout crushes but I just want someone to talk to. I guess that's why I'm all quite now. I just want a nice long face to face conversation. That's why I don't like big groups, cause you have to talk to one person and then you talk to another one and it just gets kind of annoying when you just wanna focus on one thing. I should drag my best guy friend to places I go with other people so that way I can actually have a nice conversation with him! I can hardly talk to him at school =( I can always talk to him online, but I just wanna talk to him face to face like we do online. and yes I have repeated this bloody line about a thousand times.. I will not develop a crush on him and no I do not have a crush on him! Well sure some of you don't ask but I do have to remind you that once a while.

Is there a time where you wished you were dreaming? You know it's reality but in your head.. it just keeps telling you, you're dreaming. Oh how much you wished you were.. just seeing you're best friend holding hands with someone. You gotta take a peek just to see if they actually are holding hands, when it's just right in front of you. You're happy for them but it's like.. something is telling you that this isn't real. You're happy that they're happy but you do feel kind of jealous cause you don't have anyone. Jealousy is an everyday thing in some people's lives I guess. Probably one of you out there, are saying.. It isn't in mine.. or thinking how sad this journal is. Well for those who live in their perfect, happy and perky lives, you gotta remember that it'll never last like it does for our unhappy lives.

Oh I just notice something weird about life.. everything you do is like a boomerang. If you hate someone a lot, someone will hate you that equally. If you love something that much.. It comes back equally. We just don't realize it, until we slowly go through our lives. Everything that we do everyday is stored in the back of our heads somewhere. What we eat, what we say.. everything. We just don't remember. Amazing isn't it? I wish I could go through my life like a book.. read what I've done, so I would see myself as others see me.

Yours Truly,
Nayt

We're all the same,
We got feelings too,
But I am never the same as you.