Dear Reader,

Every time I think I'm closer to breaking my chains, it seems like the bonds have grown stronger. I try to stretch it but it keeps pulling me back and it's pulling me closer to the walls, as if it's just waiting for me to get close enough for the walls to consume me... My fear, it wants to consume me. I want to be weak yet I find it pathetic and it's only my pride that strives me to keep on going to search, to find something within... but I don't know what's there to search for, what is there for me to fine? Am I getting closer to it? Will I fear it or will I embrace it? Could I control it or will I run away, again and again, till I have no will in me? I need knowledge, I need power, I need to find answers.

My world is changing and my past is dieing. I don't remember who I was and I can't understand who I am now. I feel like I am stuck in a world between. I am stuck in now. Amazingly now does not hurt. Now isn't falling to pieces, now is just different from what I expected. It's not wrong, yet it is not right. It's just different, but why does it feel different? Why can't I simply say that my life is either perfect or gone totally wrong? Why can't I feel like I'm in heaven or I'm in hell? Why can't I dream or cry? Why is it when I do find an answer, there will always be much more to it? Am I a victim of fantasy or reality?

How wish I could remember how it felt like before, how I ached as a child, how I wished I could turn the world the other way round. Am I being much stronger by being weaker or am I being much weaker by being stronger? I can't clear my mind. I don't feel confuse and I don't feel lost. Yet I feel this yearning, but yearning for what? The truth? The truth to what? I feel like my heart is being drowned and instead of fighting for its life, it's accepting its fate. Could this be loneliness? Could it feel this way? How is it possible that it feels so different now? Wait, maybe I'm wrong, maybe this is something else... What could it be?

Yours Truly,
Nayt