Dear Reader,
I hate to think of myself as being alone, yet it's true. I thought I could handle it, I thought it was what I wanted... again I'm wrong. I'm confused, frustrated at the thought that I can't go on without leaning on someone. I can't go through life on my own, and this I can't deny. I thought I could over come my loneliness, but it's consuming me even more and it feels like these is nothing I could do to stop it. I need someone to talk to, but no one is there. No one is ever there. The right person is never there. Maybe I'm just being blind, maybe the only person I could fully open up to is right in front of me or maybe they don't exist. I thought she was going to be the one I'd run to, the one I would cry to, whenever I just needed someone there. I wanted it so to be her, but it ends up that it is her that I am running from. Why do I feel so alone? What happened in my life that turned me this way? Why can I not trust anyone? Is it an obsession that I feel alone, tortured by my loneliness?
I feel it is laughing at me, pointing at me telling me I will never have anyone but it. Nothing but Loneliness. It feels like it is apart of me, rushing in my veins, it is in my blood, it is the main piece to my soul, it makes me tremble to think that maybe this would be part of my life and I would grow into accepting it. What kind of fool am I to live life like this? Am I afraid of something? Or am I actually afraid to have someone beside me? I want to cry so much, but I find it pathetic if I do... I am vulnerable right now and I just want this feeling to go away... How could someone else read me? How could someone else see through me? Why could it not be you? Why couldn't you be the one I could tell everything to? Why is it that I don't fully trust you? What is it about you that makes me want to run and stay at the same time? I know in the end it won't be you who takes my pain away... I know in the end, you might be nothing but just a memory... and I am afraid of that, I am afraid of letting you go and I am afraid of letting you stay... How did it end up like this?
Yours Truly,
Nayt
I hate to think of myself as being alone, yet it's true. I thought I could handle it, I thought it was what I wanted... again I'm wrong. I'm confused, frustrated at the thought that I can't go on without leaning on someone. I can't go through life on my own, and this I can't deny. I thought I could over come my loneliness, but it's consuming me even more and it feels like these is nothing I could do to stop it. I need someone to talk to, but no one is there. No one is ever there. The right person is never there. Maybe I'm just being blind, maybe the only person I could fully open up to is right in front of me or maybe they don't exist. I thought she was going to be the one I'd run to, the one I would cry to, whenever I just needed someone there. I wanted it so to be her, but it ends up that it is her that I am running from. Why do I feel so alone? What happened in my life that turned me this way? Why can I not trust anyone? Is it an obsession that I feel alone, tortured by my loneliness?
I feel it is laughing at me, pointing at me telling me I will never have anyone but it. Nothing but Loneliness. It feels like it is apart of me, rushing in my veins, it is in my blood, it is the main piece to my soul, it makes me tremble to think that maybe this would be part of my life and I would grow into accepting it. What kind of fool am I to live life like this? Am I afraid of something? Or am I actually afraid to have someone beside me? I want to cry so much, but I find it pathetic if I do... I am vulnerable right now and I just want this feeling to go away... How could someone else read me? How could someone else see through me? Why could it not be you? Why couldn't you be the one I could tell everything to? Why is it that I don't fully trust you? What is it about you that makes me want to run and stay at the same time? I know in the end it won't be you who takes my pain away... I know in the end, you might be nothing but just a memory... and I am afraid of that, I am afraid of letting you go and I am afraid of letting you stay... How did it end up like this?
Yours Truly,
Nayt
posted by Nayt at 3:02 PM 0 commentss
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