Dear Reader,

I see what she does to herself sometimes... I wonder if she knows that I'm talking about her. Does she listen to what I say... does she even hear me? I wonder how she can keep on going with her life. Always having to pretend that God isn't there, she knows he is. She knows he's watching, crying everytime she takes a part of her soul away... Away... I wonder if it hurts... to have it taken away... I tried to take mine... To just forget the pain. Pain. What is it again? Right.. never mind, you wouldn't know, you weren't there for me.

I see him looking at me sometimes. No, not him God. I look up to the skies, I see him there watching. As if waiting. Maybe it's not him. Maybe it's actually the devil waiting in the skies... waiting for me to jump off so it can drag me deeper down... Past the ground, past the center of the earth... past hell. Where would he take me though? Somewhere deeper? darker? My soul? No... He can't take me to my soul. I don't want to see it. I don't want to be able to feel it. To hear it crying. No, no. That's not what I was born to do. No, not now, not ever. Shut my eyes now... shut my ears... Wait I can smell it though, it's choking me. It's like blood... blood coming up to my neck. It wants to come out, not I won't let it out. Stop it. Stop it.

I want him to say... No, not God this time, but him. I wonder what he sees me as. I wonder if he knows that I'm still pretending... pretend he's not there... pretending that I don't see him crying. Why is he crying? Why... was it me? Was it 'cause I wasn't there? Why is his silence to me... so loud... why... I can't take it... but what am I to do? Top fall for a disaster like him... yet he's so beautiful... he's so beautiful to me... now I'm crying... yet... my eyes aren't teary... my heart's drowning... it's drowning... deeper... deeper... He's letting me breathe in my tears.

Yours Truly,
Nayt