Dear Reader,

I am struggling to tell you how I feel right now. What I know is that I need to say something, I need someone to listen, or I just need an outlet or else, I think I will surely break. It is so hard to breathe and the silence that I've turned to is suffocating, but I'm afraid what I express might be worse. I don't want to be rescued - really I don't and I just want to be left alone because I can't seem to find the time or any moment to grieve what is really aching in me.

I know what I say now, I cannot take back, and what I cannot take back, I'm afraid I will surely regret - but this time, I guess I will risk that chance.

I feel that I am still deeply in love. However, this feeling flows through me like poison through my veins. It is a drug and I am waiting for it to withdraw from my system. This feeling is crippling me and yet I still let myself soak so deep into it. The only reason being that it is the only thing I can feel right now. This should have never happened. I had let myself gone too far and I can't turn back, because I don't know how. I am dragging myself through the days just wishing - oh God - Just wishing for Him to ease this suffering. I'm too young for this. This shouldn't have happened and yet I don't regret it. How could I keep on trying when it feels like the only good I could do for myself is to just give up? I want to try but I just don't have the heart for it.

Yours Truly,
Nayt.