Dear you..

I'm really sorry for everything we weren't. I've lost my chance to be yours and had I learned to keep my mouth shut - I guess things would have been different. And yet in truth - no. Things would have been the same. Our paths may have crossed but I guess if we stayed on that course for too long, our feet would bleed because the road would have been too bumpy. I don't know. That may not be true, but I think it is the closest to the truth.

I don't know you, but I know that I miss you. I guess it's because I knew it was okay to like you, but that's not the case anymore. I know if you were to read this letter, you will react with disgust, because I feel, that is the only way you could react. Because you've chosen not to care. That is what you want is it not? To not care? And yes, I do feel as if you would rather not have anything to do with me. And I don't blame you, because I think, maybe that's the only way you've learned to deal with things like these.

I wish I had gotten to know you, but I think I was too caught up with trying to win you over. I did that wrongly though. I think I did. Well - Obviously I did, or we would not have ended up like this. Truthfully, I don't know how else to respond to this, or to you rather but to write a letter. To just write it out, this is the only way I've learned to deal with how I feel, while acknowledging and knowing that every word does not matter, knowing that every word would not be read by you and yet there is some sort of comfort in knowing that. In knowing that if you never read this, you could never condemn me for feeling this way. There's something awfully pathetic about though isn't there?

Maybe I miss you superficially and I say that because as I've said - I just don't know you. I could try to pretend that I've figured you out, but all I know is that you, yourself - haven't figured you out. I'm not trying to be mean, if it seems like it - but I'm just saying - I hope you know that there is something to you that I think you have not noticed yet and I wish I could be the one who could be there when you find it. Because I'm so curious to know what it is too.

Know that I dislike writing this.
Know that this is not everything that I wish that I could say.
Know that I am the one who wants you.
Know that I am the one who thinks of you.
Know that if you had let us, we could be more than this. More than this.
Know that I have no heart to initiate something with you.
Know that this is not love. But something that could've been.

Yet I have no right to say that.

I feel better when I think of you than the one before.
I guess you're that "now" feeling.

Yours Truly,
Me.