want a post? give me till Friday, you might be dieing to know what's running through this angry head of mine.

Yours Truly,
Nayt

When you forgive, you forget... but what if you forgive, but you can't forget... Does that mean you never actually forgive? I'm still thinking about what I said in my last post... but now thinking about it doesn't hurt anymore, it's more like a thought... Like, "I wonder what's for lunch today?" well it's something like that anyway, but then how could you forget something that well... that kind of destroyed you? There's so many words for the broken hearted... it's just to hard for them to say it or like... you just don't really have the heart or spirit to say it. I guess I just need time to forget about this, but I really got a lot of questions left unanswered. Is it better this way to let my mind have these unanswered questions, so that it won't lead to more unanswered questions? Or am I just gonna leave this hole inside of me that needs to be filled with answers that I really need to know...

I still see her everyday and well... I just don't know what to do. I just act like nothing had happen and I guess I just should... I can't think anymore...

Yours Truly,
Nayt

I don't think I've ever been this confused... I use to think that no matter what happens there's always gonna be this one person whom I could put my complete trust in, my best friend... Sure we had these disagreements sometimes, and a couple of fights where we ended up not talking to each other for days... but like in the end she is still my best friend. I could tell her anything and you know she'd just cared... but now all that trust... I'm beginning to think that was all an illusion.

I was going through my files and I found the conversation where she blew up on me... I pasted her some lines from it, since we were chatting with each other online. Then she confessed something to me that, it wasn't her who was talking and she wasn't even there for half of it. That hurt a lot like hell. That conversation was around a year and four months ago and now she tells me? Okay sure it's a long time ago but come on, you would at least expect her to confess a few days later right? Sigh.. That's not the worst part though... She wouldn't tell me who. I mean for god sakes I fucking hell need to know who! I cried my eyes out at that time and I don't think I have ever, and I mean ever cried as much as I did at that time. I just crumble that night. I hated the world that very second and I just felt so much like I could die at that time... I remember it like it was just a moment ago... I banged on the door, and I just felt crippled.. God I was so weak and stupid and pathetic. What am I saying? I still am.

Should I seriously forget about it... Or what? I tried... and I've been getting dreams about it too... and when I wake up; it's the first bloody thing I think of. I got every bloody reason to know who the hell was behind that PC, making me feel like hell...

I found out who it was... sigh... It was this girl that I use to hate... Hell, I thought she cared... After I had that conversation...She called saying the person I chatted with called her, all pissed and I knew the reason... I cried while I was talking to her... I cried, and I couldn't stop crying... She fooled me, so, so well... That was the only reason why I gained respect for her... Now it just dropped to a -1. I'm just wondering... was She satisfied? She did a very excellent job at acting like she cared.

Her: Shit, Oh shit..

Hah.. I'm such an idiot... It hurts... and I don't know if I could have trust anyone again... They gotta work hard at it this time... sigh... But I still care for my best friend... She'll always be my best friend... Always.

Yours Truly,
Nayt

Sitting down... listening to peaceful music... sigh... just what I needed to relax. Yoga wasn't working as much as it use to. Can't seem to balance on one foot anymore, I keep shaking. I've been throwing tantrums now days... And it's not even that time of the month. I feel really silly and not as confuse as I was before I guess. I hardly know what to say... and after reading my last post, well that was just pretty confusing.

I feel like writing a poem... I'll do that later. I'm stuck at home... got nothing to do except write stories and do my ICT. I have to get that done by Thursday or else I can't go out this Friday... Pfft I'm too lazy to do it and I'm really blank... I don't actually feel sad or happy... Just blank, but I got this headache from I don't know what. It's getting pretty... well cold around here. Not cold as in temperature cold but like... you know that atmosphere... My sis has been totally busy with her life and I don't think she has the time for me anymore. Hell... she doesn't even read this site. If I was to bitch bout her here right now she wouldn't hell know about it. Don't think she really cares, like to check up on me and all, but it doesn't matter that much I guess. I think hardly anyone really cares about checking up on me. It would be nice though... you know... when someone knows that you've been down lately... to just send you an e-card... or maybe even a message saying... hi heard you've been down lately... or something like that.

Too blank to type anything anymore...

Yours Truly,
Nayt