What would you do... when you've been longing that twist in life... When you wished yours would be completely different from the world... when you couldn't be grateful with what you have... and you've finally gotten what you wanted... but now... you don't know if this is what you really wanted... and you learn this fact... as an idea not something in reality. Should you learn to forget about it or learn to accept it? Maybe it depends on what type of situation it is... but then, the most challenging part is... how do you tell those that you care about without hurting them... without making them worry bout you, without them showing that they care... sometimes some things are just not meant to be explained...

I guess I'm just putting a barrier around my heart, just don't want it to get hurt... but then sometimes, I like it when it's hurting... I don't know why... maybe it's cause of the emotions that seem to be booming inside of me... or maybe it's how I can feel warmth in my tears... as they slowly roll down my cheeks and it just feels safe, to be alone but then maybe this is what I think that I want, maybe this is just a phase I'm going through... Well I tell that to myself all the time, just wishing some how it's true... that this nightmare I'm awake in is just a dream...

I don't know what I'm trying to say... I just wanna know how I'm supposed to handle this... this life of mine...

Yours Truly,
Nayt

Mirror Mirror on the wall... Will you catch me if I fall?

I guess I am the type of person that never lets go of the past... I keep clinging on to it as if... as if there was something there that I didn't check carefully. As if there was something there that I needed to know... or maybe, I just can't let it go... at all. At first it was like, I have nothing, meaning no one to care about, no friends and the only thing to be concern about is myself. Plus I wouldn't give a damn about being alone... but now... I've got something to look forward to, I got people to care about other then myself... but still I'm lonely... and it never felt so cold... so different... now I care... and it's killing me inside... like the only way to kill me... is to love me.

It feels like the back of my head is heavy and as if something is spinning in my head... my throat... feels strained... I can still feel my heart beating... not much anyway. I don't think some people get it you know... or maybe I just care too much for those who just don't really give a damn about me... I feel like isolating myself, from the world... Just cry alone... every night. There's that word again... alone... that's how I'll end up... No one in my life... No one I could trust... No one... Just emptiness that I dream off...

Now I got a reason again to get out of this place... bury my attachments with my emotions with them... Go somewhere, where no one will know who I am. Where I can just be alone and do things my way... Where I can stop pretending... where I won't find love. It hurts... It really does, to wake up in the morning and to wonder... Could I've done the day differently? To just wonder... time is against me... it's the knife that cuts through my soul... and leaves me to bleed... As I lay on the ground, waiting to fall asleep, waiting to heart one last call... I could cry everyday but that would make me weak... I could try to be alone, get things the way they're suppose to be. I gave up on dreaming and now I'm gonna give up on trying. There's no use. What I want... I can't reach... And the things I think about... I just can't let go...

I remember crying,
when you told me the news,
Your reason to smile,
Gave me the blues.
Our promised you forgot,
Our pact that you broke,
Where was the trust?
Was this a joke?
That very second,
I started to cry,
As I held my tears,
Wishing to wilted and die.
I tried to smile,
I tried to be true,
When all along,
I couldn't be happy for you.

Yours Truly,
Nayt
How could you... I had to pretend... it hurts... I thought... sigh...