I've always thought of love songs to be silly hopes and dreams... but I guess once you're nearly there to scratch the surface of what love is... everything changes. You're perspective... your world and you'll find that it's been flipped around twice... Slowly it just seems like... wow... you're amazed... he's in your life... he's part of who and what you are now... so is it better to live with the image of what you got or would you choose the man of what you have?

Sometimes I wish things would happen differently, but then again... maybe what's happening now is for the good... Does God really have a plan for all of us and all we got to do is find the way there? Or is it really that our paths are just laid out and all we got to do is either get off that path and find a new one or just keep on going and going... till one day... maybe who knows... you'll be lost... and in a way... it'll be like... a visitor to the edge... but I guess it depends on what type of person we are... For a lover... they may have a lot of choices... like... Hold on and love but be hurt... let go of love cause it's holding you back.. or maybe, maybe you got to question yourselves... "I know that this is love... but am I in love?" Hardly anybody gets that... they ask, what's the difference? Well, you always here... I love you every single day, but love... love can be many different things... they can be love for your sister, your brother, your mother, your pet, your friend, yourself... but what is it that separates them all from loving a certain someone? Love can be defined as a deep emotion towards someone or something, but in love... How many of you ever heard of someone telling you.. "I'm in love with you?" Sure it may sound weird, but really, it has an effect, they are telling you they are "In" love with you and when you fall in love... is it not much harder to fall out of it? Whilst when you just love someone... that can always be erased away by waves of oceans... Being in love has and always will be different from loving someone. For when you say "In" there will always be that feeling of eternal, and it is not as easy as saying "I love you." As "I love you." you will or in a way would know that... but you will never know how much so you'll walk around with this hole in your heart, always wondering... how much... and why not more? They don't love you like that... No one ever loves you the way you want them too... and those who have found someone who does... as yourself... are you loving them or are you in love with them?

I wish I could just run, run away and forget about everything... sometimes I wish I could turn to stupid things but every time when I want them, no one has it and every time I got the chance to try them, I never do. I guess in a way, God is telling me, no... don't do that, it's not worth it. He loves to test me... and this is probably less then 1/1000th or more of what he did to the prophets... but hey, he likes to test me, maybe I'm meant for so much more then this... so much more... but I guess there's probably a lot of kids out there like me just trying to grow up to fast, trying to understand the world and just be wise and so much more then their years... but we're still kids, making mistake will always be part of life... and people like me hate it... mistakes make you human... and when you are human... you can be weak, ill, pathetic, foolish... emotional... but hey, that's part of life... that's what's being human...

Yours Truly,
Nayt

I get really confuse with my emotions. Am I in denial? Or maybe I just want to learn more about my emotions? I hate it when my thoughts link to my heart... I hate it when my emotions start to mix... I hate it when I can't do anything about it. Do I spend most of my time being confused? To question about these feelings and this heart that God has given to me? I don't know if I care for him that way... I'm not sure if I do... but I felt hurt... not because someone else liked him... but someone else did... and he knows... and to make it all worst, he might too.

We're friends, only friends and I don't want to do anything that'll ruin our friendship. God, I thought these things only happen in fairy tales... you know, best friends fall for one another? Sigh, why did it happened to me. I guess I never realize I might have feelings for him till I found out he might have feelings for someone else. I guess I'm stuck in the middle and nothing is going to guide me to my direction... Not a star... not a word... not even him.

To him:-
I'm sorry, I didn't want this to happen. I can't tell you 'cause you're my friend... and I know you don't read this... well hopefully you don't. We're still friends, and that’s what we'll always be... Before, a part of me wanted to get to know you more... and so I did, I began to learn who you were and who you weren't... but then after time I began to realize that was only what was on the surface. You didn't want to let me in. You didn't want me to see, who you really are... From then all I wanted was for you to let me in... That's all I ask from you... I tried to understand why and tried to look things in your point of view. I've always had thoughts about us to being together, but those thoughts stopped... I don't have the heart to hurt you... and I never want to lead you on... Or give you clues of what I might feel inside... 'Cause I never thought of my emotions being true... and I know, I'm not the type who falls in love... I'm not the type who would really give a damn if I broke your heart... I'm not the type who really knows who I am... I'm stuck between the world of confusion and the world of what I want. I care for you, I really do... and I know there won't be a time, when maybe you could feel the same way... I respect you truly... and I swear... every time when I told you I love you... I really do... You're my best friend... and I'm not going to let anything ruin that... I won't take the risk... but... if you really are reading this... then I got a secret to tell you... I'm the girl who's been masquerading as your best friend, I'm the girl who acted happy when you fell for someone, I'm the girl who's going to be there for you... I'm the girl whose heart you broke every single time when I hug you... 'Cause I know... Though I got you in my arms... I will never be in yours 'cause you're too scared to even show me what you feel... You call me your best friend... and I call you mine... but I don't know... if that's what I really want... and I'm sorry that I had to do this... but thanks... thanks for making me feel special... always... <3

Yours Truly,
Nayt

I'm the girl who wanted to be in your world... but you just won't let me in.

Just run away with me... that's all I ask.

I guess now days every time when I feel upset or things just doesn't feel right, I like to go to the "Gangsta Hill." I guess It's cause everything seems so quiet and peaceful and you can just play God cause you look down on everyone else. Literally. I wonder if God looks at us this way, maybe he doesn't even really make the rules of our lives but he just exists to give us something to believe in. Maybe he only made out one rule and then we just thought up the rest of it and we learnt that from our mistakes. Maybe everything that we choose is a test. Like each time we breathe or each time we speak or maybe even each time we look at someone and just wonder to our selves... will they ever look back at me the same way?

Okay maybe I'm just addicted to negative vibes, but what if I wasn't wrong? What if my point of view actually means something? Could it be possible? Maybe God just wanted me to look at the world this way. Oh well... But it felt good to just sit there at night, watching the cars pass by, it made me feel safe... but it even felt better when I had that someone around, he's just a friend to me and it feels great to have a friend there. That way I don't end up talking to myself and I know, I'm just not as alone as I've always imagined myself to be and that just feels good. I know I'm loved, I know people out there care, but I guess I just don't want to believe that they really do. Then again what's wrong with trying to not believe?

Do you believe a man can fly? Without wings... Just hover above the earth and imagine things that aren't really there. To finally understand the beauty of the world that God has given to us... that would be a gift now, wouldn't it? I guess we got our own different way of flying, for me it's to just run down a hill. Every time I do, I just feel like I'm top of the world... but then I stop, cause even though I got somewhere to run to... There isn't anyone who'll run with me and it's when I stop running, I can feel my wings burning and I know this wasn't meant for me... but tit's still me and it'll always be me... But then one night, someone did run with me and it was him =) a special friend... though I don't know him that well... I got to say thanks. Thanks a lot for being a friend...

Yours Truly,
Nayt

I wish I could somehow stop time... just to sit there while everything else is still and to look around me, to wonder why, how... what if... To describe what I felt that very second, to compare the times when I felt like I have nothing... when the truth is... I am nothing. If only I could stop time to just stare... to just stare into space, into a friend's eye and ask them... why... knowing that the only reply I would get is nothing but silence. Why am I like this? Why am I so weak? Why can't I just pretend like I use to... To imagine that everything is alright, the world is the way it should be, everything just revolves around me... because I'm special... that's what they told me. They told me I'm special... and that they love me... but were those words true? What if they were lies? Is it better to be hurt by the truth? Is it better to have that one moment of happiness? Or will you cry because you found out... they were all lies... They were all untrue... nothing but broken glass and blood...

I never thought of time being so important to me, other then the fact that holidays come closer. I never knew how time really is precious and as I sit here trying to explain... what I'm thinking. What I'm feeling... There is no where to run to but here... Time is just slipping away... and I can't take back that second, I can't take back those words I've said, those lies I've told... those tears that I caused... I have nothing but now. Why now... why does now have to be confusing... why can't I just fall asleep... fall asleep and dream... dream that I am dreaming and in my dreams, my nightingale was never going to go away... she stayed... she stayed to sing to me.. To sing to me while I was dreaming... and she'd brush her feathers close to my cheeks and then I know... I'm not alone... I won't be alone... that she'll still be here and I don't have to cry about her no more. I don't because my nightingale is staying because she loves me... she really does... sigh, only in a dream... my dream...

I wake up everyday and it looks like nothing has changed, but I know it has... it just brings the next day closer and closer... till one day that day will pass by and everything just comes crashing down... Why do my emotions float up so easily... why can't I learn that nothing will last... that's just all in my dreams... only while I am sleeping everything seems right... why do I tend to wake up in my dream and sleep in my reality? Why does everything have to be so different... so cold... why can't my heart be at ease... Why does everything have to be this way? It's just wrong... it’s not supposed to be this way... you know it's not... but you still do it... because you planned it... you're God... you wanted this....

It hurts so much when you realize that you met someone who's turned your life around through something that you never really love... I must've built an image that people believed that, that was what I love... that was what I wanted to do... I thought so to... Now I'm just confused... Do I? Don't I? Or am I only doing it for someone else... I have to question, what would have become of me if I never met them... would my life really be different? But this is all planned... Fate chooses the people who you are to met but only your heart chooses who gets to stay... bind yourself to the wall... don't learn to care... don't learn to love... don't hurt them like the way they did it to you... it hurts... it's pain... it's the blood that did it's will... let it flow... free.

Yours Truly,
Nayt