Saturday, July 30, 2005

I think I need a little break. but. Today was a good day.
Dear Reader,

I think I should start a new beginning for myself. I don't think I want to be cold, harsh and cruel. I don't want to nurture myself in that way. To some stage, perhaps that was what I was, but being just one thing, isn't how life is suppose to be lived. Humans were created to be perfect. We are perfect in an imperfect way. It is who or He that views us as 'perfect' and what you see in the mirror, or what the mirror sees in you - the mirror sees more. The viewer decides or is made blinded to your imperfections, because they are not real. Undoubtedly they 'viewers' count. This may be debatable but it is my opinion. This is my opinion.

Some of us can be summed up in one word, unfortunately only those who are articulate enough can find that word for us. We are many things and some may find they share the same characteristics as another and then decides, that ever being is the same. No matter what, every being is the same. To them, to those that view the mirror as only a looking glass, nothing can be changed, because they forget that mirror only views what is on the surface. You know you are special, you know you are unique in your own way, why do you need those voices to tell you, you are? Security and self reassurance may be that answer, but has one ever questions the prolonging effect of this 'security'? This becomes an addiction. As humans we crave more, instead of surrendering repression. We all know this, don't we? It has been said, over and over again that we always want more and sometimes the feeling of contentment will never be enough as a scar is never a sure sign of healing.

I am a human being. I was created to be perfect. I feel I am not, but it actually means something to say that to one's self. There was no glass cage. I created it to give reason. To give excuse. I'm better. I'm going to be so much better and if I don't have a chance to prove that tomorrow, or the day after, or in future... I know today... Today means something.

Maybe this post will mean something in the future as well.

Yours Truly,
Me.

posted by Nayt at 12:03 AM 0 commentss

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Saturday, July 23, 2005

Carry me Home.
Dear Reader,

There are some things that I wish to share, but I'm not really quite sure what it is. I feel like there's so much more out there... I'm waiting and being patient but at the same time I can't wait to burst and soar freely. I am still learning to fly... I'm sure most of us are but there are those who refuse to learn because they've given up and find their perspective as a solitude.

I think I'm beginning to grow now to something better that to some point, I'm losing the need for/to be Nayt.

Maybe tomorrow is going to be much better.

Yours Truly,
Me.

posted by Nayt at 3:05 AM 0 commentss

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Thursday, July 21, 2005

In My Secret Life
Dear Reader,

There's a new desperation in me. I feel disconnected from where I was. The thoughts and questions begin to reduce at a rate I could almost call alarming, but there is nothing 'alarming' if that could be categorized as a positive thing.

That new desperation is finding an emotion that I recognize.

The glass is not half empty nor is it half full. The glass is broken.

Yours Truly,
Me.

posted by Nayt at 12:02 AM 0 commentss

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Thursday, July 07, 2005

The One I want.
Dear Reader,

As strange as this sounds, as usual as it should sound, I am beginning to believe I am only happy with those that I don't love deeply. Perhaps it's the minds natural reaction to the thought that I will not be hurt; disappointed; betrayed by them. What do I expect from everyone? I'm not sure, nor have I really given thought to it. Have I separated mind from emotion by far? Or have they found a new way to entwined with the other? Maybe the fear is really what I think others expect of me, or what I expect from myself...

If I look back, I'm not quite sure what I'm suppose to see. I can't say I was like this or like that, because memories will never be exact. I won't remember why I felt bittersweet at one moment and empty the next. Even if I had reasons to those emotions, I know there will be something of some important essence that I will be missing that's suppose to make the puzzle stick. I cannot say if I am better today, I cannot say whether I've changed - evolved? Perhaps I have and into what is only for those who see, observe and listen to decide. Only the One Creator does such and I wonder if he smiles or frown at my fate. I hope the end will be good. I wonder if I will be alive to see the end. It sounded like a beautiful faery tale, a fearful one as well might I add, but it would've been... Interesting or perhaps exciting to see how it will all happen. I'm afraid I might regret saying that in the future.

Can't turn my head around, because you're not the one I want. Yet I'm with you only because I know that I won't fall in love with you. Maybe we'll dance the nights away and count the stars, till it'll all spill into the light of day. Can't turn my head around, because you're not the one I dreamt about. Maybe through the Summer, the heat will turn cold, and maybe that's the feeling your eyes should show, when you think of me.

Yours Truly,
Nayt.

posted by Nayt at 12:30 AM 0 commentss

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Wednesday, July 06, 2005

I am the only being whose doom...
I am the only being whose doom
No tongue would ask, no eye would mourn;
I never caused a thought of gloom,
A smile of joy, since I was born.

In secret pleasure, secret tears,
This changeful life has slipped away,
As friendless after eighteen years,
As lone as on my natal day.

There have been times I cannot hide,
There have been times when this was drear,
When my sad soul forgot its pride
And longed for one to love me here.

But those were in the early glow
Of feelings since subdued by care,
And they have died so long ago
I hardly now believe they were.

First melted off the hope of youth,
Then fancy's rainbow fast withdrew,
And then experience told me truth
In mortal bosoms never grew.

'Twas grief enough to think mankind
All hollow servile insincere -
But worse to trust to my own mind
And find the same corruption there.

Emily Brontė

posted by Nayt at 8:48 PM 0 commentss

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Previous Posts

&;A trip inside your head.
&;I just thought that you would know.
&;Fall Baby Fall.
&;What's your Life like?
&;Like Oil on my Hands.
&;Not Half-Right.
&;Take Me Down.
&;Live For Me.
&;Start over.
&;Kill the Messenger.

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