Dear Reader,

I have made something new of myself. Now, perhaps as ridiculous or as absurd as this may sound I am learning to get less people involved in my life. Others do not need to know what I am up to. They do not need to know what shrouds my mind nor do they need to know at exactly when or where I will be. The reason to this manifesting secrecy? None, other then I feel more protected that way. Yes. One may argue to live a life that is of like a hermit is not a way to live a life at all, however, I feel this will give me more time to... Heal.

Am I as broken as I seem? I am trying. I've said that already. I am trying.

Yours Truly,
Nayt.

Dear Reader,

Is it possible to grow another heart? I think my first one is badly cut and bruised. I am unhappy. Have I made that point clear yet? I am unhappy. I hate. I've learn to really hate. I'm not me anymore. I'm not without emotion. I'm so full of that bloody humane emotion that I just... I don't know what to do with it.

I'm unhappy. Oh God. I am so unhappy. What more do you want?

Yours Truly,
Nayt.

Dear Reader,

I find that what makes the situation unbearable is knowing what this source of depression is and knowing there is no real thing I can do to heal this un-healing and un-opening wound. This unholy mess that perhaps was inevitable to avoid is staining and scratching into my skin. I am trying to be better but I have lost myself along the way as I have forgotten what it was like to be fueled with childish and unwise anger that once tapped itself into my veins. However, now I have a reason to be angry; frustrated and confused. They are reasons that others consider to be reasonable; could understand; could see it from my perspective. I no longer know which foot to move first as I am still trying to walk behind.

I won't deny it. I am not trying my everything to move on. I ask you, how could one when the being of one's soul wants to be left behind?

When I've tried to learn more, to know more, to discover more of the reasons that has caused this situation to occur, I soon start to wonder, have I been asking the right questions? I've questioned too much of the present condition instead of the past. I wonder now, was Mo Chuisle happier in those moments with me?

Yours Truly,
Nayt.

Dear Reader,

Having dreams can at times be unpleasant or bittersweet... Especially if it's of the one you can't be with and especially if it's of the one your heart desires. My dream was of someone who I refer to as Mo Chuisle; My heartbeat. That's the way I feel. Mo Chuisle... Though I can swear to you that only scratches the surface to what that person means to me. I just... Can't find the words or any meaning that's close enough to describe what I feel when it comes to Mo Chuisle. Even if I find the words... I'm sorry but it'd be wrong to tell you. I'd tell you more about the dream... But I don't know. Mo Chuisle cried though.

Dear Reader,

I am not yet ready for the world I think. I find it much harder to express myself even though I can find the words to voice my feelings out. I think, I just find much difficulty in saying them. Well, that is at the present moment my state of mind. However, these letters that you read - assuming that you do read my letters - are my only choice of revealing my... Moods.

Where have I gone to I wonder? Where did I step off and landed? Where am I?

I do feel hollow... Perhaps I was completed with the wrong piece... No... It wasn't the wrong piece... Just one that hasn't found the right place to fit in yet.


Yours Truly,
Nayt.

Dear Reader,

Forgive me for not writing to you for some time. My excuse being that I've been happy... Blissfully happy. The happiness that glowed was something of which I felt was happiness stretched to its near limit. However, now I've discovered something new of myself to which I've never acknowledge before (well, if I've never acknowledged it then it can't be new.) This discovery of mine was pointed out to me - I express my emotions passively, i.e. I feel passive anger and passive misery, which means I don't act on my emotions. I must submit and admit this "discovery". I do feel miserable. The depth of that misery I am not quite sure of. I fear to that out.

I cannot reveal to you the reason for this misery. However, I reveal that the situation and the arrangements - some which have been written down for thousands of years - are the sources for these disturbances within me. I would tell you more but it feels much easier to keep it in. It hurts less in keeping it in.

I am different now, for better or worst that is an opinion.

Yours Truly,
Nayt.