Dear Reader,

I feel like I'm being held together by rubber bands. I wish, I could abandoned these feelings that I left on a shelf to die but just placing these feelings away does not make them gone, just numb. I am numb and I don't know when I'm about to cry. I ask and I wonder, might I fall apart harder this time? I feel like I have learnt so much from this, so much emotions that I before could not understand. There is something good in this... Rubber ball I'm in.

I feel that perhaps I have made myself numb to my emotions unintentionally. I am aware of a critical situation, however I lack the cognitive to respond. I could cry though, however I would still not be able to feel it. I don't wonder why though. I refuse to find the source for this blame. Yet, in the back of my mind, like a needle in a haystack, I know the truth for every blame is there. I am unsure as who could save me. I wonder if God would send me an angel... Just this once. Or if. For some reason or another that I might fall into a more critical situation, then please save the angel till then.

This feeling makes me sick. I know the people around me cannot see it. I can't see it either but I know it's there. My eyes blur, my bones feel snapped in half, my throat feels heavy and I sometimes, I think my heart is no longer beating. This cancer, I know will cripple me. This cancerous feeling, that flows through my veins, that is pumping my heart, I know will one day rot me.

My heart, my veins, my very next breath and good deeds, my every dream and the completion of all my thoughts is another being whose purpose in my life, is still of what I'm unsure of. I can love another, I swear I can, but they would only be blood. Nothing but blood to me.

Yours sincerely,
Me.