Dear Reader,

I don't really know who to turn to who would understand what I'm feeling right now. I need answers but, I can't seem to find any or the ones that I'm hearing... I had already thought of them, and just think that they're not true. I know the answers should be simple but, maybe right now there is none. That is one way of thinking of it right? I think what I'm doing now is the best thing, though... it might be the hardest. Staying away is the best thing to do right? I don't want to love someone else right now, it wouldn't be real I think... Maybe in my case... I don't like, like someone easily... but when I do... maybe I fall hard. I don't know. It's hard to say, I've only fallen this one time I think... Or maybe I didn't fall in love... Maybe I was always in love.

It doesn't make sense does it?

Well, what if I was to say, for as long as I could remember, I've always wanted to meet a certain person and this person who I am so in love with happens to be that person. Do you follow? So, lets say, everything that I've wished for came true, and there some bits, which I've never asked for, that came along with it, however, it is what I've wanted that's hurting me now. I guess, what I'm trying to say is, you know how some people believe in horoscopes but the predictions could be generalized to nearly everything? Yeah. I hope you understood that... Well, I had thought, maybe I'm just trying to fit this person with what I've described... I thought of it hard, and no... I think this person is exactly what I've wished for my whole life... However, there are somethings about this person that well... some other things came along with the package and... No... I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, I'll just leave it here for now.

I think I love this person a lot. I really do - but I'm not gonna be a champion to some sort of lovely faery tale. This is what's gonna happen I guess... by the end of the day, I don't need to say what I feel.

Yours Truly,
Me.

P.S. I'm sorry I'm leaving you hanging like this.

Dear Reader,

At times I wonder what I really have to say, because in truth, I never lay down all the facts in my letters. I guess, maybe in some ways by doing that, I would be able to let you feel what I feel and understand the way I feel and yet still protect my thoughts and what really is going on in my life. I mean, it's not a big thing that I go through, but maybe I'm helping someone out there by finding the words for them... maybe.

Living in a small country, you have to learn to keep your mouth shut. That's what I think and I think, when you learn to do that, you seem to understand something that most people can't get. We don't have to reduce ourselves into beings who pour out all their secrets do we? What have you really kept to yourself that others don't know of? What have you really kept to yourself and not thought of? Because sometimes, that secret you keep echoes in your head, and you wonder... well I wonder, does this make me a lesser person because I just can't keep something that just shouldn't be said? I'm not sure if that would be true, but I think it does. Yet, the argument that I hear majority of the time is that it's better to let things out - but no, it isn't. I mean, how stupid are you to need something to be said? Can't you just understand something or does it really need to be spelled out to you? It just seems hope makes us stupid, and foolish. Yet, could you really blame someone for wanting to believe in something? Of course you can, so maybe for some of us we do need to just hear it... Or would you rather not ever know?

I think we tend to forget the fact that some things aren't meant to be solved or finished, or done. It's better to just throw it away and start all over again, or just move on. I think, this letter might just be pointless, I know I could've simply summed up what I was saying... actually am I even saying anything at all? It doesn't matter.

How things ended up... It may not have been what I wanted to happen, but it did happen. So now it's my life.

Yours Truly,
Nayt.

Dear Reader,

Reflecting last year, I dare say that I've learned a lot emotionally and have grown to understand how some things are better left the way it is, even if it doesn't feel like it. What I went through, I'm not sure what it is anymore. I still feel it and yes, it is some sort of pain... well it is pain. I feel like I'm breathing it out at times, and for a few second it's gone but it's when I'm breathing in, it comes back. I can even feel my heart beating its way out of my back. I don't need to keep on smiling, but I let people know that I'm alright. Well, when they themselves need to know that I'm alright. Have I grown up just a little? Possibly. Hopefully.

I remember understanding how a situation should be handled in a certain way, for example, in this case some things are better left unsaid, or the closure is those unspoken words. I thought, "Yeah. That's how I should do it." However that was usually never the case, because emotionally I couldn't handle it. I mean, I didn't want to be the only one who knew what I was going through.. Does that make sense? I'm sorry if it doesn't - but anyway - Now, I think... I'm not sure what it is, but I guess I have a better understanding of why, things are done, finished, even if it's not for you. You could always hold on... and I guess, that's just something else that you haven't understood that would've helped you to let go, move on, and just not care forevermore. So will I be able to let go of this? Now, I hope so - but if I don't then, I wish and I pray... Let me feel this love for the rest of my life, but let that love be less each day, so that when I die after I sleep - Let me not dream of this face that still haunts me. Remind me not of the traces and the stains that used to be. Just let me rest in piece. Even if it's in pieces.

Deliver me not of this love... Just ease this. Just ease this.

Yours Truly,
Me.

Dear Reader,

I don't know why but for some reason, growing up I've always thought my life would somehow sort it self out. It's one of those things where you think no matter what you do, the outcome would be more or less the same. I'm an idiot. I know I am. I want to give up really. I really do, but again, that's idiot talking. I guess I'm in a really rough patch right now. I'm scared I won't get out of this one. I've ran out of tricks. I can't fool anyone anymore... Actually...

I think I've only managed to fool myself.

Yours Truly,
Nayt.

Dear Reader,

I've been meaning to write a letter for some time, however that feeling to express and to communicate with another seems to pass me quite easily. I have been repetitious with my words anyway - maybe because I find it difficult to explain it differently.

The problem is the same.

The first week of this year, it felt like I had found some sort of peace. It must have been a new years affect where you just reset your mindset and you just fool yourself to reinvent all over again. Have I somewhat heal this time? I think I have, just a little bit - but I think that might be because I am blinding myself to some possibilities. I had never thought of seeing some things in a different light or shadow in this case - it is silly of me to have forgotten that life could be so vile and so cruel as to crush your hopes and dreams when all you did was just 'lived' in this world. Or at least tried to live. So now the question is, which is more likely? The light that you bathe yourself in or the shadows of darkness that you leave behind you? What is your actual state? Which is true and which is false? Or is it really a combination of these things, is it that moment that seems to hang in between the light and shadows? When you look at the light... just before it turns into a shadow... you will see it. That moment that hangs there. You will see it and understand and feel where I am today. Just right there. In that moment.

Yours Truly,
Nayt