Dear Unangelic,

I had a party.

It was a big party.

It was at Dewan Shahbandar in Holiday Lodge.

Yes.

That means. Big. Big. Party.

There was many people.

A lot more than close friends came ;p.

Bras. G-strings. Shower caps. Dancing. And unspeakable acts were involved.

I've got my first set of wheels. It is pink. You must come over to see it to believe it.

I got a watermelon as well.

You're ex-boyfriend came.

There was many, many hot, beautiful creatures in the room.

It was raining on my birthday.

And. I slept over at the hotel.

Love you.

Yours Truly,
Nayt.

P.S. I know you've got prettier pictures of me.

Dear Reader,

It's not fair that I've changed. It's not fair that I no longer recognize the kind of person I am. I was good. I wanted to be good, but I feel like that goodness was pried out of my hands. I think what I find disturbing now is that feeling of uneasiness that one can get. Maybe it is a yearning. I thought I had found something different and I had kicked myself about it for letting it pass me by for so many times. Now I'm unsure of what to feel. I had it and I made that foolish mistake of being too excited to even try to hold my content in, that it got away. God damnit. I let you get away.

No reader. This is someone else.

No reader. I wasn't in love.

No reader. I'm not really hurt.

I think it's just the fact that you know things would've worked out. It was just the matter of time. Oh god, I miss the times when my letters were about other things other than matters of the heart. I'm sorry. I know this is not what you've expected of me. I'm beginning to feel like the only real emotion that I know of is loss. I want to be happy - but it seems like there's always a price to that. For me anyway. I'm being too harsh on myself again, or perhaps not harsh enough.
Well done me. Well done.

Nealy 18. What do I really know about life?

Yours Truly,
Nayt.

Dear Reader,

Looking back from two years ago, I have to say that I've really changed. My nature is different. Before I believe I was more passive, ready to just let things handle it self. Now I find myself more unable to control the anger that at times builds up in me. What is worse is that I find a need to act it out and I will only let myself do so onto objects. Mostly walls. Anything that I couldn't really "break." I am scared that to some point I might end up actually destroying something. So far, I only have my knuckles bleeding and bruising.

But what else would one expect when one violently punches the walls?

I don't know how I could've gotten so angry as to act that way.
Maybe I'm just scared...
I don't wanna lose again.

Yours Truly,
Me.

Please.

Be patient with me.

I'll learn.

Just. Be patient.

Dear Reader,

I worry about myself. About the way I feel. Sometimes I wonder if it's lack of control or maybe this is just natural... in a way. I guess maybe I'm just feeling a little scared about this...

But.
I am happy because this feeling is different.
I am happy because this feels different.
I am happy because this feels so good.

But like I've said... I'm just a little scared.

Yours Truly,
Me.