Dear Reader,

I've realized this is probably the only way I can talk to you. Yet so much that I want to say, I keep holding back because you deserve more than this. I deserve more than this. I keep imagining situations where if I did tell you what I felt, what I feel now - I imagined what would I say to you? But all I see are moments and in my head, each time when I am closer to letting it all out - I cannot breathe a word. I find it more difficult each time to express how I feel because I have been practicing for so long to hold it in by trying to stop myself from identifying this feeling as love.

So when am I gonna wake up and recognize this feeling to be something else? I am letting this slip away and I only know that... Right now I am empty and I don't know how else to feel towards you.

Yours Truly,
Me.

Dear Reader,

Now days I wonder what would I regret before leaving. The main thing that comes up though are leaving things unsaid and at the same time, never understanding what had happened. Do things only matter when they mean something to you? I guess that's a stupid question to ask, but what if it means something to someone else? Right now I just won't know. It could only matter less each day.

I can't really say what I want because I don't exactly know what I want other than what I yearn for is in the form of someone. It is strange to love someone and to do nothing about it. It is strange to love more and to lose it the same second. It is strange to know fear through love. It petrifies me to think something horrible might have happened to you. I get so scared and I can't tell anyone because to them - It's just me thinking like this.

I used to think that maybe I like people too much too easily. I wish that was true but it's not. I mean, I am happy, but I find no peace in me. I am lying to myself again - because the truth hurts you know?

I don't know what it is exactly that keeps my mouth shut as to what I feel now - maybe it's hopelessness? hurt? Love in some sort of distorted form? - but I find it the hardest now to try and explain it to you.

I guess this wasn't enough.

Yours Truly,
Me.

Dear Reader,

I've kept quiet lately I think. I've been breaking again as well. It's just one of those weeks I guess. Well, time. It's just one of those times. I'm not really sure what I want to write to you about. It's just that I thought you should know, right now, it's not all good - but it's not all bad either. It's not even okay - but there have been moments... seconds... There were seconds that felt good but that never stayed too long. That feeling I mean, just never stayed long.

It's the same thing I guess.

Now I think, "yeah - Maybe it's just me."

So when is this going to heal?

Yours Truly,
Nayt.